Gang of Roses

Gang of Roses' is the kind of boneheaded travesty that would have given the boys over at 'Mystery Science Theatre 3000' something really delicious to sink their teeth into. How we would have howled at the skewering quips and devastating one-liners they would have come up with as they ripped this masterpiece of idiocy to shreds. Alas, as they are no longer around to lighten the load in cases such as this one, we are left to suffer through 'Gang of Roses' entirely on our own. The movie has been tagged as the first 'hip-hop Western,' which means, apparently, that it features a largely African-American cast in full Western regalia, backed up by modern dance tunes playing on the soundtrack. Ostensibly set on the 1890's frontier, the film tells the story of a band of former female bank robbers - four black and one Chinese - who come out of retirement to avenge the death of a sister of one of them at the hands of a roving band of killers.

Although admirable in theory, the idea of a virtually all-black Western makes about as much sense as an all-white version of 'A Raisin in the Sun' or 'The Color Purple.' But, even apart from that, the film is so badly written, directed and acted that the whole thing begins to play like one long bad joke, like a distended Saturday Night Live sketch or Amateur Night at the Bijou. I've seen junior high class projects that were more professional and cinematic ally accomplished than this embarrassing mess. Completely at a loss as to how to play this material, the filmmakers settle for lame brained anachronisms, with lines like 'Why you gotta be all that?' serving as the hallmark of the movie's attempts at authenticity.

I'm sure 'Gang of Roses' will eventually find its way into the Hall of Fame for unspeakably terrible movies, for it is a true classic of cinematic badness. All I want to know is where the MST3K dudes are when we really need them.

Oh, come on people give this film a break. The one thing I liked about it was......... Sorry, still thinking. Oh yeah!!!! When John Wayne came and shot up the the bad guys. Oh, sorry, wrong movie, I was thinking of a better quality film. Let me see now, I'm still trying to defend it. Oh yeah, the chick that was from Clueless was in it. Don't put down Stacy Dash. I mean, we all make mistakes. But boy, Stacy, you made a dooooosie.

Hey, one thing that has never been done in a western, even an all female cast, they actually hung a woman from the gallows. That might be a western first. Even though her neck should have been broken and she survived the ordeal, still, you've got to give the director some effort for trying a western first. Also, I've never seen a woman lynched from a horse in any western, although that didn't happen in this movie, I just thought I would give the director another idea for Gang Of Roses#2, which should be made right after Ed Wood's Bride Of The Monster #2. Maybe that was what the makers of this film were going for. Orginality, especially with an all African woman cast and an oriental cowgirl.

Heeey, if the makers of Gang Of Roses want to make a sequel to this mess, you could have such slang like, "Hey, don't you be takin about my homegirls" and "talk to the hand, baby, talk to the hand." You could also have a surfer dude type deputy marshal that says things like, "That gunfight was totally rad man, totally." You know things like that.